Suffering & Surrender - Ending the War with The Self

When I reflect on the years I have spent at war with myself, at war with what is, my heart swells. I look at myself from a higher plane and send compassion down to those pits of hell. I would be lying if I said I don’t experience that war anymore.  It’s just that now, after making healing my life’s work, I can see it sooner. I can see that it is a choice. And, I can see that it’s not the choice I want to make for my life. And I can let go - again.

It felt like I carried the wounds of 10,000 women as a child. Generations of abuse. My mother’s harsh words, her gaze, her experiences carried within her, were transferred to me. Because she didn’t want them. And so my heart broke every single day as a child, and as an adolescent, and then as a young adult - because I believed her. I believed that I was nothing. That I was lazy. That I wasn’t good enough. That I was too sensitive. Projections, fears. The off-loading of shame.

When I speak to my clients - I can see myself in them. The way they identify with what has been said or implied. The whips of judgement. The burden of terror.  After years, it does not occur to them to question if it is true - Is it true that they are the worthless beings they believe themselves to be? Of course not. That simple curiosity, in and of itself is enough to bring healing into the frame. To start organizing the chaos.

When we believe the shaming, fear-based thoughts that wreak havoc on our soul, we are perpetuating a war with ourselves. And we are fighting on the wrong side. Self-love is a surrender. Waving the white flag. Tired, broken, weary. Deciding to finally lay down and allow the love and truth to wash over the weary soul.

We have the power to end our own suffering through this process, but the truth is that we have become addicted to believing the lies. Perpetuating them. And this false, fear-based belief keeps us powerless - cowering in fear of being seen. The whole body, emotional, psychological, physical, becomes contorted and twisted under the weight. Living in the shadows of pain that was never ours to carry. 

I am here to remind you - with a clear crystal of truth - that the choice is yours. Day by day. One foot in front of the other. The suffering is there because you are resisting the truth. The truth of your own love-ability. Your own worthiness. Your own ability to stand like an angel in your power.  When you believe the lies - the war persists. The psyche cannot function when the soul is at war. Lay your weapons down - lift up the white flag. Remember. Remember with a divine knowing that was present even before you were even born.

Remember the truth. Do not fight against it anymore. Do not resist it anymore. Let the lies go. And do it again. And do it again. Allow the war to be over and come into the place of rest that has been waiting for you all along.

Continue Forward in Healing, 
Shyla 

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