Let’s talk enmeshment.
If you know, you know.
When you grow up in a pathological home one of the most painful and terrorizing realizations is the realization that you have been parentified - made into the emotional parent of your home. Taking on responsibility that was never yours. And all the while, without you even noticing your every need went ignored and even punished.
The emotionally immature parent hates to see the reflection of their inability. And so, they will often emotionally punish if you show how their abuse has taken its toll on you.
Instead of seeing YOU and meeting your emotional needs, your parent made you responsible for meeting theirs.
In abusive, pathological homes - the caregivers/parents are emotionally immature. They struggle to see their kiddos as beings in need of selfless love and care. Their kids trigger their own subconscious imprinting of shame, neediness, and trauma. And, being incapable/unwilling of...
You’re not the pressure and internal dialogue inside your head.
You’re not in the past. And... You’re not destined to eat only the crumbs and scraps of life.
EVEN if that’s what your childhood experience was like.
The imprints of trauma = get through the day, the hour. SURVIVE.
This is why most who grew up in pathological families have a thought/emotion loop that runs something like this:
“There’s not enough time.”
“There’s not enough money.”
“There’s not enough energy”
The system is churning as if we were still living in the danger and threat of abusive neglectful families.
And as this churn continues, we end up pushing away, running away from, or avoiding what we truly WANT, what we truly DESIRE and LONG for out of life.
We never experienced the safety of more than enough and so we believe it will never be safe to experience it.
Take trauma off it’s pedestal baby.
Stop worshipping it.
Trauma is part of the human experience. EVERYONE will experience at some point.
It’s terrifying, awful, and scary - but you know what is more awe-inspiring and powerful than trauma?
The HUMAN SPIRIT.
Specifically - YOUR human spirit!
Your body is designed to help you get through THE WORST.
So many of the natural human experiences are inherently traumatic.
Birth and death being two of the mains.
Trauma simply means too much, too soon, too fast. Something that took over your life energy and harnessed it to simply get you through it. TO SURVIVE it. Your body was made to HELP you survive it.
Those of us who experienced that at the hands of parents/caregivers? Sure - we went through the tough shit at very young ages. It was hard. It was scary. It was terrifying. And it was tragic.
But you were actually MADE to overcome...
Whose responsibility is it to bear the weight of your life?
We're getting philosophical in this episode to discuss one of the most important universal laws and its application to healing and transforming your life from the ground up.
Oftentimes, I feel like a weak little girl.
And then I resist, and defend against the archetype of the small abused girl who just needed a mom.
And in my thrashing against her, she takes hold.
Chokes out my power.
And makes sure that I see. That I remember… she is me.
But she is only part of me.
It is in my resistance to her presence that I find myself at her beck and call on either side of the spectrum (resistant, defensive and rigid OR small and frail and unable to direct the flow of my own life).
The shadows take hold when we refuse to acknowledge their presence.
She is only part of me - she is neither bad nor good. Simply a neutral part of my emotional, physical and spiritual body which demands to be explored and most importantly… integrated. We all carry with us these fragile frail parts. And the first instinct is always to resist.
The stable, powerful adult woman seemingly has no need/time/energy to open the door to the fragile, unprocessed pieces of distant...
I wonder why you’re here…
Here with me… letting me invade your social media feed or your email inbox with all this stuff about healing, and creating the life you desire…
Listening to the ramblings from my heart.
I say that I wonder - but I think I actually know.
You’re not necessarily here for me… sure you like me (at least I hope you like me since you’re reading my stuff! LOL) … but it’s not really about that is it?
What it’s really about is you.
If you’re reading this… if you’re my client or you just enjoy my writing and my general situation…. I think you recognize that what’s coming out of me, what I'm writing about, what I’m teaching about and what I truly believe in at my core… I think you recognize yourself in there (CAUGHT YA!)
There’s something in me… that is reflecting back to you… what is...
To me, there is absolutely no recovery from childhood abuse and neglect and trauma without spiritual power. They simply co-exist together. Because everything is everything - the body, the spirit, the psyche, the emotional body… everything IS everything.
Ya.. but WHAT IS spiritual power EXACTLY?
Well… it’s the thing that carried you through the horrors you survived- for one.
But also, it’s the thing that is ACTUALLY going to move your life forward beyond survival and into abundance, joy and most importantly receiving love.
And I’m not talking about the soggy weak spirituality of fake love and light which pretends everything is okay behind glossy dissociated eyes.
I’m talking about the spiritual power that comes from integrating the WHOLE thing. From your head down to your toes, and from your toes back up to your head. Because spirituality without connection to the body is the kind of spirituality that actually perpetuates the...
I cried while I was running today. When I first started seriously working out (swimming twice per day), I was on the cusp of some major breakthroughs in my life and I swam twice a day to cope with what I was losing (a codependent relationship, some unhealthy friendships, my own irresponsibility tendencies and emotional leeching). I didn’t know it then, but I was running from myself. It happened to be a rather healthy way to “escape” - or at least it seemed to be for me at the time. This was before I knew what I know now about nervous system healing, emotional scaffolding, titration, and the physiological survival response of trauma. I was doing what I could with what I had. I was trying to hold onto my core - or find my core self. Find my independence after being enmeshed with unhealthy parents and carrying that forward into my life as an adult with friendship and intimate relationship dynamics that mirrored the trauma bonds of my upbringing.
What I started...
Are you scared and intimidated around people you perceive as strong, powerful, smarter, or more accomplished than you?
I have felt this way sooooo many times
In fact it’s an area that I am CONSTANTLY working on within myself.
The little traumatized child in me wants to quiver and shake and fawn because that’s what I did as a little one to survive in my home around a mom who couldn’t handle the threat of someone’s light shining in her presence.
Thankfully after stumbling around in the beginning, I’ve managed to find some footing here.
What most of us do is feel weak and small and contemptuous - and then jealous - and then angry at ourselves and then feel like we shouldn’t feel that way and try and puff our chests to seem like we’re really not that vulnerable. I’ve done that a lot in my life.
And then? We think it’s so disgusting that we could allow ourselves to feel that way AGAIN after a childhood of making ourselves smaller - we...
This week I'm joined by the wonderful Anna Runkle, also known as The Crappy Childhood Fairy. She, like me, grew up in a dysfunctional home and now teaches her clients how to recover.
We discuss many common themes of trauma recovery, some personal stories, and Anna shares a little bit about her signature Daily Practice which is a tool to help regulate the brain that is being hijacked by trauma and dysregulation.
Watch Anna on Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCZlDCbFTqHkzV_rUP4V5bg/videos
Check out Anna's website here: https://crappychildhoodfairy.com/
Work with me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme
Email Me: [email protected]