I’d like for you to know
That you are not merely your thoughts
But deep red blood
Flows through your veins
Heart is beating
Eyes are tearing
You are human animal and primal soul
You are alive with the worlds within and without
You are at once many systems inside you
If you stop in this second and in this moment in time
You might notice a universe within your viscera
Pulsing, beating, breathing, expanding, moving, digesting, and flowing
It is as much you as any thought and more
The thought is only something which you do
But your breath – your beating heart is a wildfire
Alive without your command
Without your intention
A creature you are
Your cubicle may make you forget it
The green grass reminds you
I’d like for you
All that you are – below the head
Beyond the mind
The body whose origins were in your mother’s belly
Who grew into the creature which now reads these words
Your voice comes from your guts
And the sound...
When our bodies are balanced and we feel safe and happy, we are in a state of “regulation”. In this place, we are not too stressed, nor are we too excited or exhausted. We are calm. We are clear. We have focus. We are creative. We are able to communicate rationally and clearly and openly.
BUT, when we experience trauma this sense of safety and balance is completely ripped away from us. It’s almost as though our soul is taken from us and what is left is only a shell.
This trauma is deeper when you’ve lived your whole life being abused and neglected by your primary caregivers. You may feel completely devoid of a sense of self – your brain has developed under chronic stress which causes your body to look out only for your survival.
Our bodies have two distinct reactions to traumatic experiences. We can be be maxed out – unglued emotionally and physically – this looks like panic, toxic stress, anxiety and physical...
Change is hard. It’s f*king hard. It hurts. Kicking all your rocks uphill. Breaking the cement of your hard-wired broken brain. We don’t particularly like to think about changing either. We want to be accepted for who we are. We want to be loved as we are. And there’s something very important about that, about being content with yourself at your essence.
But, as with everything in life, things are not so black and white. The eternal paradox exists in the background. In the ying and yang of it all, we notice that we can and must love ourselves at our essence. And, yet still we can be longing for continued growth. After all, we evolved through forward motion. And, naturally, we desire forward motion in our own inner-worlds as well.
Even the most broken of us. The most self-sabotaging among us still long, deep inside for change. Still strive for it, even if many futile attempts have failed.
So, what makes it so gut-wrenchingly and painfully hard to change?