Successful put-together woman or good girl in disguise?

I had something to prove!

I didn’t want to be like my mom who was pure chaos walking and left nothing but destruction in her wake.

She was so uncontained and so wild and completely lacking any modicum of self-awareness.

As a kid I really just wanted to be normal.

I knew that I knew that I KNEW that I was not going to end up like my mom if I had anything to do with it.

So I constructed the image in my head of the successful put together woman I would one day become.

No longer an outsider.

No longer so different.

And I became that woman. And I’m so grateful for so many pieces of that.

And yet?

There was a part of me hidden - even from myself.

A part of me that was not fully alive.

And by part of me I mean the TRUE REAL me.

I hid behind being an expert on the nervous system - knowing the science and being so good at it. I hid behind my intellect. I wanted to be taken seriously. Seen as the consummate professional.

But yet? There was that other part of me that I had labelled as “crazy”. The part of me I caged.  Which was just the fully alive me!

I didn’t yet see that it was my LIFE FORCE! Because it was messy, wobbly and scary.
It felt destabilizing and uncomfortable. Because when there is new life force energy being accessed it is messyyyyyyyyyyy!! It is trembly, it is intense baby!

It felt so vulnerable. TOO vulnerable and just not safe. So I would mistake it for being wrong and feel ashamed.

And whenever that pure life force did INEVITABLY come out of me - I would feel like I did something wrong. 

So I never let it fully out.

After all I was so much more fully alive than I had ever been before. And I’ve been on a healing journey already that would stun people. And I could just stop here.

Hide behind the “teacher” “expert” “practitioner” identity…. 

And?

No one would ever know.

Except me. I KNOW. And more importantly I FEEL the edge and the call of deeper growth and deeper integration as a leader but more importantly as a human.

And the hiding was bringing a subtle layer of heaviness into my life and business that I couldn’t see because it was so much less than what my previous life had been. 

And then I realized that it’s the residue of perfectionism, chronic freeze, insecure attachment. Peeking through ready to be reorganized and resolved.

Or? I could just keep hiding…

But I can’t do it. I won’t do it.

So now instead of needing to be seen as the perfect, put together successful woman. Needing to be taken seriously. Needing to prove something to the world (really it was proving it to myself). Instead of that - I’m coming out of hiding and have been for the past 8 - 12 months. And boy have I experienced some seriously confronting stuff in my system.

But when it’s not about proving I can relax into already taking myself seriously. Knowing who I am. Allowing myself to be misunderstood as painful as it is.

But now - being here much closer to the other side? I feel so much more ALIVE than I ever have. Sharper. Clearer. Aligned.

I’m so grateful for the continued confronting moments where you realize the blindspots. Because when you stay with that wobble, you create so much more space inside.

So my goal now (which really was a little girl’s goal that was born from survival) is to not be necessarily “successful put-together woman” although that is a big part of me and I’m not ashamed of it nor am I fully retiring it.

It’s just the focus has now shifted to being a fully ALIVE woman. In God. In life. In expression. In relationship. And online.

And after all? This is what my work is about and has always been about! It’s just so much clearer now to me. It was the thread that was there all along. That many times others saw more clearly than myself. And yet I knew it deep down.

It’s the paradox of everything changing and nothing changing. So subtle - but so powerful. 

I went live about this yesterday on instagram.

You can watch it here: 

In the livestream I get into a lot more detail about the nervous system/attachment/ and health components that are associated with life energy and what happens when the high-performing personality type woman suppresses her life energy and “has it all” but feels out of sync with the true rhythm.

 

PS… The School of Embodied Healing Systems!!

This is the 10 month journey for the smarter, deeper more switched on woman who craves overflowing prosperity, deep human connection and miracles in life and business!

It’s the journey for YOU.

Where you will touch into this stuff at the level of the nervous system and clear it so that you can be the leader you know you are and let your true message, most natural work, FULLY alive self out into the world and shake it up for good.

www.shylacash.com/embodiedhealingsystems 

Apply now - your application includes a 30 minute consultation call with me. 

We start August 1st.