Anger is such an important part of health!
Yes - health.
Without the full spectrum of full human emotions - we are not physically healthy. Our Creator designed our emotional and physical experience to be connected to one another.
So - what happens when we repress? What happens when we grow up in homes and environments where the family pushes back or stifles our valid and honest emotional expression?
Emotional Dysregulation, Chronic Illness, High-Functioning Depression & Anxiety Symptoms, and Dysfunctional relationships, Toxic Shame to name just a few.
What can also happen is a confusing relationship with God where we feel afraid to express ourselves to Him - to wrestle with Him, to pour out our hearts before him.
We can more easily get into abusive relationship dynamics and unhealthy spiritual communities because we are less likely to speak up, express needs, set boundaries and advocate for what is right.
When I work with...
I had something to prove!
I didn’t want to be like my mom who was pure chaos walking and left nothing but destruction in her wake.
She was so uncontained and so wild and completely lacking any modicum of self-awareness.
As a kid I really just wanted to be normal.
I knew that I knew that I KNEW that I was not going to end up like my mom if I had anything to do with it.
So I constructed the image in my head of the successful put together woman I would one day become.
No longer an outsider.
No longer so different.
And I became that woman. And I’m so grateful for so many pieces of that.
There was a part of me hidden - even from myself.
A part of me that was not fully alive.
And by part of me I mean the TRUE REAL me.
I hid behind being an expert on the nervous system - knowing the science and being so good at it. I hid behind my intellect. I wanted to be taken seriously. Seen as the consummate professional.
But yet? There was that other part of me that I had labelled...
So I woke up this morning brimming with gratitude for the integration and activation that's happening within me.
And I am just thinking about all the amazing people that have been divinely put on my path that planted seeds in my spirit.
And I had an overwhelming desire to share it all.
Well this is easily the most vulnerable - and longest live stream I have ever done.
This is the replay of the original stream on INSTA.
It's about what I’m going through and the people that brought me here…
Wow I was not expecting this to go on as long as it did - but it did!
And I was not expecting to be brought to tears - okay maybe I was lol! But not that much…
I share what I’m moving through and integrating and what is coming through me. I also share some of the key people along the way that have made such a difference in my life. Not all the key people of course but the ones that came to mind.
I talked about the deep feelings of self-disgust and self-loathing that kept me...
There was a time when I didn’t have my right mind - my sanity. As a teen you could have diagnosed me with reactive attachment disorder and severe depression and ADHD among other things.
I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. My mom suffers with paranoid schizophrenia and manic depression.
Her childhood was awful - she talks about being suicidal at 11.
She didn’t make her way to healing.
And when she had me, she struggled. And as a result she severely abused and neglected me. She also decided to homeschool me until I was 11.
Growing up in that situation took its toll on my developing brain and body. On the outside I adapted well as I was very smart and quite gifted as a kid. I learned how to perform in school and in church. I kept my home life a secret.
People who knew my mom knew something wasn’t right - but I felt a pressure to protect my parents and so I put on a happy face. As I got older I continued to perform well despite the inner turmoil.
But the body is not...
.What about receiving?
…being carried, guided and supported by the flow, by God who is life itself.
To receive, you open your hands
Open your heart…
Versus chasing after everything from your mind and your tight shoulders.
You don’t receive from working hard in your brain.
Braced up for impact all the while. Desiring more in your heart of hearts and at the same time thinking hard about how to get it.
Receiving is the deep down breath into the tummy and down into the ground.
Receiving is the letting go through the body and the full experience of surrender…
My journey with receiving has been quite the roller coaster.
Because letting go wasn’t something that came naturally to me…
My biology was wired for holding so tight and tighter and tighter and tighter until it hurt like hell and then holding on some more. Abuse and neglect will do that to a person.
First with relationships - then with money.
I chased after my parents love.
I twisted and...
He was just like my mom…
In my early twenties I had a dumpster fire of a relationship filled with chaos and codependency.
I was the savior and the good girl who was going to rescue my addict boyfriend and make him unbroken.
Have you ever been there?
Turns out it was me that was sick and twisted up from a childhood of abuse and stranger-than-fiction family dysfunction.
My mother - the paranoid schizophrenic, violent, manic depressive tyrant. And my father, ever loyal to my mother and unable to get himself or me out of the situation.
When I was spat out into the world, I was driven, ambitious, high-performing and talented. I was also extremely unaware of just how much my childhood had marked me.
I didn’t know I had brain damage from growing up in abuse and neglect.
I didn’t know I was in the chronic freeze and had been my entire life.
I was a MESS - but I had no sweet clue about that.
Recently I went through something terrifying that would have absolutely taken me out before I built the nervous system that I have now.
AND I am so glad that I had the tools and knowledge to support me to get through it and keep me sane.
Fear & stress is part of the game when you’re an ambitious, high-performing entrepreneur. It’s part of life - there’s no way of getting around that!
But you CAN navigate fear in a way that leads to more capacity, more health and deeper purpose?
This episode is all about leaning into fear but with a nervous system spin!
Here’s what I cover:
In this episode, the lovely Alana shares her experience of doing this nervous system work!
If you enjoy this episode, could you please leave a rate and review? It helps others find this work, and I so appreciate it.
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Heal for Real Podcast Episode 88
Energy Management, Entrepreneurship & Your Nervous System
We are talking on the podcast today about energy! And I am not talking about spiritual or...
In this episode I am talking with an amazing renaissance woman who also happens to be a client of mine! Beth and I worked together for 6 months and she is here to share her experience and the surprising re-invigoration of her artistry that happened as a result.
In this conversation we talk about:
-The difference between thinking your way through something and feeling your way through something.
-How working with her nervous system helped her have space to stop fearing the anger of others
-How her boundaries have strengthened
-How Beth’s personal nervous system work changed her relationship with her mom
-Self-expression, truth and allowing people to have their own responses to your authenticity
-Being “good” and “bad”
And much more!
To see Beth’s art go to: https://www.bethknight.com/