When we find ourselves approaching healing from a deep sense of unworthiness, we can start to feel like we must know everything about healing and consume all the info we can. But this comes from a deep sense of inadequacy that is subtle but insidious.
In this episode, I'm helping you breathe a sigh of relief. You don't have to do it perfectly and you don't have to know everything to heal from trauma. You are worthy. It's not about the outside-in, but about the inside out.
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I choose to honour myself
Today I did some serious journaling - reflecting. I’ve felt blocked in some areas of my mind and heart and I knew the answer was to go within.
So within I went.
I recognized some areas that I was abandoning myself still. Quitting on myself ever so subtly.
I got honest. I cried. I wrote.
I wrote about how quitting on myself when I was so close to the result was a way for me to re-enact my mothers’ abandonment and neglect.
Her broken promises.
Like a reflection in the rear-view of being 10 again and waiting for two hours for my mom to pick me up outside the school, alone.
I remember the way the trees looked - like a dream. The emptiness I felt. I remember her finally showing up … no call to the school to let them know she’d be late - no idea when she’d show up… finally she’d come and I’d ask why… reaching again - for some acknowledgement… and she’d make some flippant, dismissive comment...
Rupture and Repair is a concept I first discovered from Dr. Allan Schore's work a few years ago.
It is a framework for understanding resiliency (the ability to come back from difficult situations personally and in relationships with others) and how empathy acts as a foundational component of life and health.
When we understand the concept of rupture and repair - we start to understand trauma and it's deeper impact on life and work. All relationships will have ruptures. The ruptures themselves are not even what causes trauma... it is a rupture without repair which causes trauma.
In dysfunctional families - most or all (depending on the distance of the caregivers) ruptures go un-repaired. This impacts the brain functioning, physical and biological health, and emotional health of the child and causes the child to live in a state of "FRAGMENTATION" - a fancy way of saying that children who live in unsafe childhood homes essentially live separated from themselves and...
In this episode I am peeling back the curtain on what I REALLY believe about healing from trauma using my concept of functional healing.
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Episode 21 - Functional Healing
SHOW TRANSCRIPT BELOW:
Hello Hello Hello how is everyone! I’m a little nervous about today’s episode because I’m going to be really really honest with you about my beliefs and my opinions on healing from trauma and I know it may rub up against some of you and it may feel like i’m being harsh or rude. But that is not at all my intent. I really believe that healing is my life’s work and I am so passionate about healing trauma and about healing as a global community so my ask of you if you should continue listening to this episode is that you take it in with some openness - doesn’t mean you have to agree. You are you and I am me and we won’t always agree. But I believe that if you can...
In this video, I'm talking about a concept called "Functional Healing".
Functional Healing is my belief that life doesn't have to stop in order for you to heal and make powerful change. You can build healing into your lifestyle and see improvements in emotional regulation, performance, and behaviour as you go.
I’ll tell you an important secret to making lasting, deep change. The kind of change required to really shake up your identity and call new experiences into your life that you ACTUALLY want.
You have to separate your self-worth from what it is that you’re doing. You cannot link the two together.
First, you accept that you are 100% loveable and worthy and that you are whole as you are. AND THEN… you set about achieving what you desire (healing, emotional health, weight loss, new relationships).
You’re not healing because it will make you worthy.
You’re not losing weight to make you more worthy.
You’re not getting a new job or starting a business because it will make you worthy. You’re not meditating because it will make you more worthy.
You’re not going to yoga and lifting weights because it will make you more worthy.
You're not working on your communication skills because it will make you more worthy.
You're not getting...
I think there is an unfortunate misconception that has come up for us in modern culture where we think that uncomfortable feelings are bad. We think that feeling anxious or depressed or confused or overwhelmed means there is something wrong. Or, means that we are wrong.
Specifically, in healing communities and modalities we have reached this place of prioritizing safety which is a good thing. I am not against safety and environments that promote healing. This is really the foundation of the polyvagal theory and other modalities like somatic experiencing that seek to bring a measure of regulation online to the body and brain through creating safe experiences of connection. And these modalities work.
However, there is a fine line here. And, I am noticing a real fear of triggers in the air.
We fear things that bring up reminders of bad feelings or bad memories, or feeling as though we are at the mercy of what other people do and what other people say, and other people’s...