He was just like my mom…
In my early twenties I had a dumpster fire of a relationship filled with chaos and codependency.
I was the savior and the good girl who was going to rescue my addict boyfriend and make him unbroken.
Have you ever been there?
Turns out it was me that was sick and twisted up from a childhood of abuse and stranger-than-fiction family dysfunction.
My mother - the paranoid schizophrenic, violent, manic depressive tyrant. And my father, ever loyal to my mother and unable to get himself or me out of the situation.
When I was spat out into the world, I was driven, ambitious, high-performing and talented. I was also extremely unaware of just how much my childhood had marked me.
I didn’t know I had brain damage from growing up in abuse and neglect.
I didn’t know I was in the chronic freeze and had been my entire life.
I was a MESS - but I had no sweet clue about that.
Recently I went through something terrifying that would have absolutely taken me out before I built the nervous system that I have now.
AND I am so glad that I had the tools and knowledge to support me to get through it and keep me sane.
Fear & stress is part of the game when you’re an ambitious, high-performing entrepreneur. It’s part of life - there’s no way of getting around that!
But you CAN navigate fear in a way that leads to more capacity, more health and deeper purpose?
This episode is all about leaning into fear but with a nervous system spin!
Here’s what I cover:
Heal for Real Podcast Episode 88
Energy Management, Entrepreneurship & Your Nervous System
We are talking on the podcast today about energy! And I am not talking about spiritual or...
There is nothing emptier than chasing money for its own sake.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with money.
We use money in our current society as a resource.
And I think if you feel driven to create more of that resource, then you want to follow that drive.
Ambition is a beautiful thing - I think it’s innately human and magnificent.
But the human heat of ambition is meant to fuel you to carry out your vision in the world from alignment.
Money is only one component of that.
Money is not the devil, but it’s not God either.
Money is not a saviour. It’s not a healer.
And, you can have money without prosperity.
This is how you can end up making money you never dreamed of making in your business and still feel out of alignment, lack of vitality and feel empty.
You can accumulate money doing many things with many skills and many talents. Once you get beyond some basic money mindset work, you can run with it and make money...
I choose to honour myself
Today I did some serious journaling - reflecting. I’ve felt blocked in some areas of my mind and heart and I knew the answer was to go within.
So within I went.
I recognized some areas that I was abandoning myself still. Quitting on myself ever so subtly.
I got honest. I cried. I wrote.
I wrote about how quitting on myself when I was so close to the result was a way for me to re-enact my mothers’ abandonment and neglect.
Her broken promises.
Like a reflection in the rear-view of being 10 again and waiting for two hours for my mom to pick me up outside the school, alone.
I remember the way the trees looked - like a dream. The emptiness I felt. I remember her finally showing up … no call to the school to let them know she’d be late - no idea when she’d show up… finally she’d come and I’d ask why… reaching again - for some acknowledgement… and she’d make some flippant, dismissive comment...