How you think about trauma determines whether you will heal or not. I'm sharing with you some of the most common ineffective thoughts about trauma, and some alternative ways to think about it.
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Let’s talk enmeshment.
If you know, you know.
When you grow up in a pathological home one of the most painful and terrorizing realizations is the realization that you have been parentified - made into the emotional parent of your home. Taking on responsibility that was never yours. And all the while, without you even noticing your every need went ignored and even punished.
The emotionally immature parent hates to see the reflection of their inability. And so, they will often emotionally punish if you show how their abuse has taken its toll on you.
Instead of seeing YOU and meeting your emotional needs, your parent made you responsible for meeting theirs.
In abusive, pathological homes - the caregivers/parents are emotionally immature. They struggle to see their kiddos as beings in need of selfless love and care. Their kids trigger their own subconscious imprinting of shame, neediness, and trauma. And, being incapable/unwilling of...
You’re not the pressure and internal dialogue inside your head.
You’re not in the past. And... You’re not destined to eat only the crumbs and scraps of life.
EVEN if that’s what your childhood experience was like.
The imprints of trauma = get through the day, the hour. SURVIVE.
This is why most who grew up in pathological families have a thought/emotion loop that runs something like this:
“There’s not enough time.”
“There’s not enough money.”
“There’s not enough energy”
The system is churning as if we were still living in the danger and threat of abusive neglectful families.
And as this churn continues, we end up pushing away, running away from, or avoiding what we truly WANT, what we truly DESIRE and LONG for out of life.
We never experienced the safety of more than enough and so we believe it will never be safe to experience it.