As adults who grew up in family dysfunction - we often find ourselves needing to fix others and ourselves. We get involved with people we believe need fixing, and we approach healing from the belief that we are faulty and need fixing.
In this episode, I'm sharing where this compulsion comes from - how to release it, and reframe the core beliefs that cause it.
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Show Transcript Below:
In my clients - and even in myself - I notice this impulse - really it’s a compulsion more so. To fix things. To fix other people - to fix ourselves - to fix the past - to fix every single little mistake.
Why do we feel the impulse to fix ourselves, fix others, and fix situations that have happened in the past?
It’s important to understand that this compulsive fixing behaviour is not your fault. It’s...
You are not your work. But your work is an extension of you. It is your creation. An outflow of you. It’s what you have produced using a mix of your experience, energy, emotion, intention, sweat. The trauma we experience as kids has an effect on our work. On our performance - on our contribution. Many (not all) who are entrepreneurial, high-performing, high-achieving, athletes have used trauma as a driving force for success - for their personal success - and in many cases they have a drive for creating change in the world in some way.
Artists who make art about important issues that are hard to talk about.
Therapists and coaches who developed their expertise through healing their own pain (myself included).
Entrepreneurs who make a commitment to themselves to drive the world forward in some way - to build something great and leave the world better.
Children who honour their vow to themselves to be better parents than their own and stop the cycle of...
In this video, I'm talking about a concept called "Functional Healing".
Functional Healing is my belief that life doesn't have to stop in order for you to heal and make powerful change. You can build healing into your lifestyle and see improvements in emotional regulation, performance, and behaviour as you go.
BUT I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT; Do we need to talk about trauma in order to heal it?
This article is part of the Therapeer Event Hosted by Justin LMFT
To view the articles of other contributors click here: https://www.justinlmft.com/post/therapeercontentevent1
You can listen to the audio below also.
THE NEW SCIENCE OF TRAUMA
The question of whether we need to talk about the traumatic events in our lives in order to heal them is one that is only recently emerging. In the world of therapy and life coaching, it used to be essential to “process memories”, to hash it out, to integrate our experiences by talking about them with a compassionate witness. The cliche image comes to mind of the client on the couch with kleenex talking to a figure sitting in a chair with a notepad and glasses.
Lately, however, the new science of trauma is giving us a much deeper understanding of what trauma actually IS. And with this incredible...
Show Transcript Below
Time and Trauma - Episode 17
Hello my people! Hope everyone has had a wonderful week since we chatted last week. it’s good to be with you here again - it’s always good to be with you here through the podcast. It’s an honour to be filling your ears with this knowledge and gifting it to you and knowing that you’re receiving it and doing this work and being helped and encouraged on your journey - it’s really a blessing. I love the internet!
This week is the last installment of the time and trauma series - The past the present and the future and we are talking today about the future. The fabulous beautiful amazing future that you can actually create for yourself today - here in the present.
Last week we talked about the present - where our power is, and the week before that we talked about the past - and how the past is over.
So moving right along -I’ve really loved teaching this...
When I reflect on the years I have spent at war with myself, at war with what is, my heart swells. I look at myself from a higher plane and send compassion down to those pits of hell. I would be lying if I said I don’t experience that war anymore. It’s just that now, after making healing my life’s work, I can see it sooner. I can see that it is a choice. And, I can see that it’s not the choice I want to make for my life. And I can let go - again.
It felt like I carried the wounds of 10,000 women as a child. Generations of abuse. My mother’s harsh words, her gaze, her experiences carried within her, were transferred to me. Because she didn’t want them. And so my heart broke every single day as a child, and as an adolescent, and then as a young adult - because I believed her. I believed that I was nothing. That I was lazy. That I wasn’t good enough. That I was too sensitive. Projections, fears. The off-loading of shame.
When I speak to...
I think there is an unfortunate misconception that has come up for us in modern culture where we think that uncomfortable feelings are bad. We think that feeling anxious or depressed or confused or overwhelmed means there is something wrong. Or, means that we are wrong.
Specifically, in healing communities and modalities we have reached this place of prioritizing safety which is a good thing. I am not against safety and environments that promote healing. This is really the foundation of the polyvagal theory and other modalities like somatic experiencing that seek to bring a measure of regulation online to the body and brain through creating safe experiences of connection. And these modalities work.
However, there is a fine line here. And, I am noticing a real fear of triggers in the air.
We fear things that bring up reminders of bad feelings or bad memories, or feeling as though we are at the mercy of what other people do and what other people say, and other people’s...