Let’s talk enmeshment.
If you know, you know.
When you grow up in a pathological home one of the most painful and terrorizing realizations is the realization that you have been parentified - made into the emotional parent of your home. Taking on responsibility that was never yours. And all the while, without you even noticing your every need went ignored and even punished.
The emotionally immature parent hates to see the reflection of their inability. And so, they will often emotionally punish if you show how their abuse has taken its toll on you.
Instead of seeing YOU and meeting your emotional needs, your parent made you responsible for meeting theirs.
In abusive, pathological homes - the caregivers/parents are emotionally immature. They struggle to see their kiddos as beings in need of selfless love and care. Their kids trigger their own subconscious imprinting of shame, neediness, and trauma. And, being incapable/unwilling of...
What EXACTLY does it take to break through resistance and shame?
The gap between here and there… the great divide… the dark forest… that thick foggy smog that must be traveled through to get to where you wanna go.
How exactly do you get there?
And… before you start moving - how do you deal with the blanket of resistance and shame that keeps you laying low below desire?
One. Day. At. A Time Darling.
You don’t swallow that beast with all its fire whole on day one. It would explode you.
You sit up, swing those legs over the bed. And do today’s work.
And today’s work is the absolute hardest to do isn’t it?
And what do I mean by work? I’m not talking about it in the traditional sense --- although maybe I am --- but what I really mean is the emotional and spiritual work. Going about the business of sorting out the chaos inside. Untangling that big heavy knot one string at a time.
I’m moving through a time of deep detox in my life. On a cellular level I can feel myself release-release-releasing so much of the old skin. And it’s a complete internal process - has nothing to do with what’s outside of me in the physical sense.
If I’m honest I’ve definitely tried to manufacture metamorphosis in my before life by pushing things away in my outer world. People, places, things. But it never works does it?
No - this time - like the (many) other times I’ve gone through this deep and true and real spiritual cleansing - is all about my inner world. The habits, thought processes, and spiritual ties that for whatever reason are now ready to be released from me. Whenever this happens, I feel this intense clarity of vision and direction. The way becomes clearer. The sharpness of truth starts slicing away what's not so true at all.
Yes, it’s raw.
Yes, it does involve making some internal adjustments.
Yes, it definitely...
I cried while I was running today. When I first started seriously working out (swimming twice per day), I was on the cusp of some major breakthroughs in my life and I swam twice a day to cope with what I was losing (a codependent relationship, some unhealthy friendships, my own irresponsibility tendencies and emotional leeching). I didn’t know it then, but I was running from myself. It happened to be a rather healthy way to “escape” - or at least it seemed to be for me at the time. This was before I knew what I know now about nervous system healing, emotional scaffolding, titration, and the physiological survival response of trauma. I was doing what I could with what I had. I was trying to hold onto my core - or find my core self. Find my independence after being enmeshed with unhealthy parents and carrying that forward into my life as an adult with friendship and intimate relationship dynamics that mirrored the trauma bonds of my upbringing.
What I started...
Are you scared and intimidated around people you perceive as strong, powerful, smarter, or more accomplished than you?
I have felt this way sooooo many times
In fact it’s an area that I am CONSTANTLY working on within myself.
The little traumatized child in me wants to quiver and shake and fawn because that’s what I did as a little one to survive in my home around a mom who couldn’t handle the threat of someone’s light shining in her presence.
Thankfully after stumbling around in the beginning, I’ve managed to find some footing here.
What most of us do is feel weak and small and contemptuous - and then jealous - and then angry at ourselves and then feel like we shouldn’t feel that way and try and puff our chests to seem like we’re really not that vulnerable. I’ve done that a lot in my life.
And then? We think it’s so disgusting that we could allow ourselves to feel that way AGAIN after a childhood of making ourselves smaller - we...
I always rise
There’s a secret to recovery from anything really - failure, trauma, a breakup, addiction - anything.
And it’s a small little diamond in the rough of all souls that are strong enough to overcome the difficulties/pressures/tragedies of life ( which is really just overcoming our OWN shadows and self-concept and “bullshit” which of course is the result of the conditioning and layering of traumas and inherited imprints and nervous system patterns that have been handed down from the ages through the global family tree. And of course inherent in life itself is tragedy... the existential woes of the struggles we crash up against)
But back to the secret...and that is - the belief that you will always rise.
Because how are you going to get through the detox (literally or metaphorically) of your old identity? How will you have the stamina to move that life of yours forward? To recode your brain, to expand your window of tolerance and your capacity to...
In this episode I am peeling back the curtain on what I REALLY believe about healing from trauma using my concept of functional healing.
Work With Me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme
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Episode 21 - Functional Healing
SHOW TRANSCRIPT BELOW:
Hello Hello Hello how is everyone! I’m a little nervous about today’s episode because I’m going to be really really honest with you about my beliefs and my opinions on healing from trauma and I know it may rub up against some of you and it may feel like i’m being harsh or rude. But that is not at all my intent. I really believe that healing is my life’s work and I am so passionate about healing trauma and about healing as a global community so my ask of you if you should continue listening to this episode is that you take it in with some openness - doesn’t mean you have to agree. You are you and I am me and we won’t always agree. But I believe that if you can...
I absolutely love the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship). My husband got me into it - we even got engaged at a UFC Event in Toronto (Max Holloway vs. Anthony Pettis to be exact. for those of you who are fans). When we first started dating, he would have the fights on in the background and I dismissed it for a couple weeks.
But, as I watched these fighters tell their stories of adversity and triumph, and saw their athletic commitment and dedication - I fell in love with the sport - the vulnerability of standing barefoot in the octagon, bleeding and pressing forward. The preparation, the skill, the power, the willingness to lose - the emotional triumph of a win. It hooked me. Some of them had lost children, grew up in poverty, were working full-time jobs and still fighting.
Athletics in general are an amazing metaphor for overcoming adversity and trauma.
They show us that against all odds - we can win. And, if we lose, we can still say we put it all on the line....