❤️🔥✝️ Learning to Trust the Lord ❤️🔥✝️
The thing God has been dealing with me most about since I gave my life to Christ last year has been trust.
Trust is a scary dirty word for a lot of us.
Add in a childhood wrought with abuse and neglect or any kind of relational or spiritual trauma for that matter and you compound on the challenge.
In my years of personal trauma recovery, nervous system repair, and formal training - I’ve learned and experienced a lot about the body and trust.
About how the nervous system can be wired for a kind of closed off hyper-independence in which we construct a life where we protect ourselves from the need to trust others for anything.
How the nervous system can learn to be drawn to (and even cling to) what is unsafe in relationships and deeply untrustworthy.
How we can be so cut off from our God-given intuition that we can’t even FEEL the instincts let alone discern and trust them.
How we can feel terrified to trust that which is actually trustworthy because all we’ve ever known is chaos, insecurity and instability.
God was with me through all that learning. Yet for most of those years I didn’t know Him.
Still, in those years by grace He helped me repair and heal at the nervous system level and bit by bit I became more and more internally secure.
My nervous system repaired through the somatic work I was studying and practicing. And, as it repaired I became more able to trust rightly.
Except for that deeper part of me which longed for the truly transcendent. The part of me that knew the spiritual world was real, but sought it in inferior systems of spirituality that only held a shadow of the truth.
A pivotal moment in my journey was last winter when I was attending a baptism service at church.
A beautiful service where people were getting baptized and giving their lives to Christ.
There was no preaching, and very little music except for the transitional songs between baptisms.
And during one of those songs, I lifted up my hands to worship.
And when I did, it almost felt like I entered another world.
I felt the hand of Jesus grab mine and the spirit began to speak to my heart.
The Holy Spirit revealed to me that while I had done a lot of healing work in my years of study and dedication to nervous system repair - there was a chamber of my heart that only the Creator could see. And I needed my spiritual eyes to be opened by the Living God in order to see it.
He began to reveal the part of my heart that had been bent, broken, hardened and twisted as a result of my mother’s abuse.
He showed me that this began when I was very small. It was a spiritual brokenness that until that moment I was not aware of.
And, as my inner being trembled in the presence of the Lord - my eyes were opened to my condition.
“Shyla, you do not trust. And now, I am going to teach you how to trust in me.”
I had planned to go to the mall and do some shopping after church. But when I got to the mall I just sat in the car weeping and trembling still.
I sensed that I needed to document it so I got out my phone and talked into the camera like a video diary.
I had never encountered such a powerful and yet loving force at the same time. The perfection of the glory of God stunned me. And it was 10,000 times more powerful than any other spiritual model I had ever used.
It was as though Truth itself had entered the room - and I was exposed.
I was both humbled and held in the presence of God.
I hadn’t yet given my life to the Lord in full surrender. I hadn’t gone all in.
But I knew in that moment that I would never be the same.
Since then, I have learned so much from God. He has taught me tenderly, gently, and so lovingly about what it truly means to trust.
And in doing so He has begun to repair the deeper recesses of my spiritual being that nervous system work could not get to.
His loving hand has touched the chaos of abandonment, rejection and confusion that was hidden in my heart of hearts and has begun to regenerate and plant me securely in Him.
He has also softened the hardness that resided in my spirit. A hardness that said I would be strong and independent and rich and powerful and no one would ever hurt me.
A hardness that alienated me from the depth of spiritual healing, and was unconsciously constructed to protect my small self from my mother’s terror.
It’s true that there are major biological and nervous system components to trust. I have experienced what it is like to repair those and create a more secure attachment style that is embodied from the inside out. I have also helped many of my clients do the same.
However, now that the Gospel has opened my eyes, I see there is a fullness to healing that is only available through the work of the Holy Spirit.
And that’s because we did not create ourselves. And until we get into the presence of our Creator and allow Him to show us who we are - we will always miss the mark.
And we will be stuck striving and trying to change without the power of the Holy Spirit who does the work within us when we surrender to Jesus.
The regenerating work of the Holy Spirit is teaching me to trust God in each and every area of my life. Business, Money, Finances, Relationships, Inner-Healing.
And while it is challenging, it is the most peaceful, rewarding and healing experience I have ever experienced in my life.
The way that Jesus touches my heart has healed wounds of loneliness from younger years that I didn't even know were there.
The way that He has done miracle after miracle in my life and in my heart since I have answered His call is more than I can explain in words.
When I trusted Christ, I gave up my role in my life as my own God.
I gave up my own will.
And that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
And yet - by the power and work of the Holy Spirit and in the presence of the glory of God - it seems to happen so naturally.
For someone who grew up with a terrorizing mother and lack of protection from my father - there was no attachment map for that kind of trust. No template i could lean on. Authority figures were either absent or terrorizing.
And yet - supernaturally the grace of God has taken me to a new place in Him. Restoring what I didn’t even know was lost to me.
Now through grace I rest in the Lord. I feel the true rest of God that is promised all throughout Scripture. And each day I learn to lean on Him more and more. My refuge. My strength. And my Deliverer.
What is that rest? It is the rest of knowing that God is my Father. That His plans are better than the ones I could dream for myself. That His heart is loving for me. That He protects me, guides me and will always comfort me. That His plans for me are to prosper and not to harm me. That Jesus’ finished work on the Cross of Calvary has covered me and that His resurrection has empowered me to live in, for and through Him.
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. -Isaiah 26:3
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7
👉🏾 PS - Trust & Trauma Masterclass
I’ll be doing a Masterclass on Trust and Trauma next week.
In the class, I’ll teach on trust from a nervous system perspective and biological perspective.
This will include how we become secure or insecure in trust based on our early childhood experiences.
And how these experiences with trust (in the years before we can even talk) shape our nervous system.
And I will also teach on trust from a spiritual perspective. How the Holy Spirit teaches us to trust in the Lord. Even if you’ve had your trust ripped apart and trampled on, The Lord can heal it by his power and grace.
Details will be up tomorrow - if you know you’d like to come to the class now just send me a message and I’ll send you the link when it’s ready.