Let’s talk enmeshment.
If you know, you know.
When you grow up in a pathological home one of the most painful and terrorizing realizations is the realization that you have been parentified - made into the emotional parent of your home. Taking on responsibility that was never yours. And all the while, without you even noticing your every need went ignored and even punished.
The emotionally immature parent hates to see the reflection of their inability. And so, they will often emotionally punish if you show how their abuse has taken its toll on you.
Instead of seeing YOU and meeting your emotional needs, your parent made you responsible for meeting theirs.
In abusive, pathological homes - the caregivers/parents are emotionally immature. They struggle to see their kiddos as beings in need of selfless love and care. Their kids trigger their own subconscious imprinting of shame, neediness, and trauma. And, being incapable/unwilling of...
Oftentimes, I feel like a weak little girl.
And then I resist, and defend against the archetype of the small abused girl who just needed a mom.
And in my thrashing against her, she takes hold.
Chokes out my power.
And makes sure that I see. That I remember… she is me.
But she is only part of me.
It is in my resistance to her presence that I find myself at her beck and call on either side of the spectrum (resistant, defensive and rigid OR small and frail and unable to direct the flow of my own life).
The shadows take hold when we refuse to acknowledge their presence.
She is only part of me - she is neither bad nor good. Simply a neutral part of my emotional, physical and spiritual body which demands to be explored and most importantly… integrated. We all carry with us these fragile frail parts. And the first instinct is always to resist.
The stable, powerful adult woman seemingly has no need/time/energy to open the door to the fragile, unprocessed pieces of distant...
I wonder why you’re here…
Here with me… letting me invade your social media feed or your email inbox with all this stuff about healing, and creating the life you desire…
Listening to the ramblings from my heart.
I say that I wonder - but I think I actually know.
You’re not necessarily here for me… sure you like me (at least I hope you like me since you’re reading my stuff! LOL) … but it’s not really about that is it?
What it’s really about is you.
If you’re reading this… if you’re my client or you just enjoy my writing and my general situation…. I think you recognize that what’s coming out of me, what I'm writing about, what I’m teaching about and what I truly believe in at my core… I think you recognize yourself in there (CAUGHT YA!)
There’s something in me… that is reflecting back to you… what is...
To me, there is absolutely no recovery from childhood abuse and neglect and trauma without spiritual power. They simply co-exist together. Because everything is everything - the body, the spirit, the psyche, the emotional body… everything IS everything.
Ya.. but WHAT IS spiritual power EXACTLY?
Well… it’s the thing that carried you through the horrors you survived- for one.
But also, it’s the thing that is ACTUALLY going to move your life forward beyond survival and into abundance, joy and most importantly receiving love.
And I’m not talking about the soggy weak spirituality of fake love and light which pretends everything is okay behind glossy dissociated eyes.
I’m talking about the spiritual power that comes from integrating the WHOLE thing. From your head down to your toes, and from your toes back up to your head. Because spirituality without connection to the body is the kind of spirituality that actually perpetuates the...
Pursuit… in and of itself - that is the magic. That is the divinity. That is the WHOLE point.
Not the pursuit of dreams from false-self. Not the pursuit in favour of validation or what we think we need to pursue to be worthy of existing.
But the pursuit of your divine vision - your inner calling and resonance, whatever that is for you.
THAT pursuit - is gold. And the pursuit itself will even HEAL you. At the deepest level. The healing and unfolding always happens in motion. The nature of life is change. The nature of life is movement and so is the nature of healing.
THAT pursuit will humble and electrify, and sculpt and mold and absolutely show you your own self more than anything else.
And by the time you have what you have pursued - you will continue the path ANYWAY. Because it was never about what you “wanted” it was never about the “goal” It was the doing itself - the reckoning of that. The making and the creating and the persisting and resisting and...