I’m moving through a time of deep detox in my life. On a cellular level I can feel myself release-release-releasing so much of the old skin. And it’s a complete internal process - has nothing to do with what’s outside of me in the physical sense.
If I’m honest I’ve definitely tried to manufacture metamorphosis in my before life by pushing things away in my outer world. People, places, things. But it never works does it?
No - this time - like the (many) other times I’ve gone through this deep and true and real spiritual cleansing - is all about my inner world. The habits, thought processes, and spiritual ties that for whatever reason are now ready to be released from me. Whenever this happens, I feel this intense clarity of vision and direction. The way becomes clearer. The sharpness of truth starts slicing away what's not so true at all.
Yes, it’s raw.
Yes, it does involve making some internal adjustments.
Yes, it definitely...
I cried while I was running today. When I first started seriously working out (swimming twice per day), I was on the cusp of some major breakthroughs in my life and I swam twice a day to cope with what I was losing (a codependent relationship, some unhealthy friendships, my own irresponsibility tendencies and emotional leeching). I didn’t know it then, but I was running from myself. It happened to be a rather healthy way to “escape” - or at least it seemed to be for me at the time. This was before I knew what I know now about nervous system healing, emotional scaffolding, titration, and the physiological survival response of trauma. I was doing what I could with what I had. I was trying to hold onto my core - or find my core self. Find my independence after being enmeshed with unhealthy parents and carrying that forward into my life as an adult with friendship and intimate relationship dynamics that mirrored the trauma bonds of my upbringing.
What I started...
Pursuit… in and of itself - that is the magic. That is the divinity. That is the WHOLE point.
Not the pursuit of dreams from false-self. Not the pursuit in favour of validation or what we think we need to pursue to be worthy of existing.
But the pursuit of your divine vision - your inner calling and resonance, whatever that is for you.
THAT pursuit - is gold. And the pursuit itself will even HEAL you. At the deepest level. The healing and unfolding always happens in motion. The nature of life is change. The nature of life is movement and so is the nature of healing.
THAT pursuit will humble and electrify, and sculpt and mold and absolutely show you your own self more than anything else.
And by the time you have what you have pursued - you will continue the path ANYWAY. Because it was never about what you “wanted” it was never about the “goal” It was the doing itself - the reckoning of that. The making and the creating and the persisting and resisting and...
I always rise
There’s a secret to recovery from anything really - failure, trauma, a breakup, addiction - anything.
And it’s a small little diamond in the rough of all souls that are strong enough to overcome the difficulties/pressures/tragedies of life ( which is really just overcoming our OWN shadows and self-concept and “bullshit” which of course is the result of the conditioning and layering of traumas and inherited imprints and nervous system patterns that have been handed down from the ages through the global family tree. And of course inherent in life itself is tragedy... the existential woes of the struggles we crash up against)
But back to the secret...and that is - the belief that you will always rise.
Because how are you going to get through the detox (literally or metaphorically) of your old identity? How will you have the stamina to move that life of yours forward? To recode your brain, to expand your window of tolerance and your capacity to...
This is the first of a two part series on intergenerational trauma. This is a topic that is extremely important right now - although it has always been.
In light of current events (George Floyd's murder) I want to take a couple episodes to explain how oppressive systems work. How they are held up by unacknowledged trauma. And how the family and self systems mirror societal systems.
Work with me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme
Email me: email@example.com
ROUGH SHOW NOTES BELOW:
ntergenerational Trauma and Oppressive Systems Part #1 - The Family & The Self
Wooph - hello people - hello hello hello - there’s a lot going on in the world right now.
Specifically - George Floyd’s murder by police officers in Minneapolis.
And there are so many emotions. And there is so much chaos. And so I wanted to do my part to help the world. And help you guys understand what’s happening in the world on a much deeper level and through a slightly...
I choose to honour myself
Today I did some serious journaling - reflecting. I’ve felt blocked in some areas of my mind and heart and I knew the answer was to go within.
So within I went.
I recognized some areas that I was abandoning myself still. Quitting on myself ever so subtly.
I got honest. I cried. I wrote.
I wrote about how quitting on myself when I was so close to the result was a way for me to re-enact my mothers’ abandonment and neglect.
Her broken promises.
Like a reflection in the rear-view of being 10 again and waiting for two hours for my mom to pick me up outside the school, alone.
I remember the way the trees looked - like a dream. The emptiness I felt. I remember her finally showing up … no call to the school to let them know she’d be late - no idea when she’d show up… finally she’d come and I’d ask why… reaching again - for some acknowledgement… and she’d make some flippant, dismissive comment...
I feel like self-love is part of our collective knowledge now. We understand that it’s important. We understand that we need it.
But, there is difficulty with applying it. And a lot of the self-love talk out there is about the sort-of practical - night time routines, morning routines and making yourself a green tea and meditating. And I think that those things are important and they form a PART of self-love.
But when we are talking about applying self-love, I like to add another layer or component onto it. And that component is ruthlessness.
So today, I’m talking about ruthless self-love.