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Do you feel like a weak and frail little girl, vulnerable to the world?

Oftentimes, I feel like a weak little girl.
And then I resist, and defend against the archetype of the small abused girl who just needed a mom.
And in my thrashing against her, she takes hold.
Chokes out my power.
And makes sure that I see. That I remember… she is me.

But she is only part of me.
It is in my resistance to her presence that I find myself at her beck and call on either side of the spectrum (resistant, defensive and rigid OR small and frail and unable to direct the flow of my own life).

The shadows take hold when we refuse to acknowledge their presence.

She is only part of me - she is neither bad nor good. Simply a neutral part of my emotional, physical and spiritual body which demands to be explored and most importantly… integrated. We all carry with us these fragile frail parts. And the first instinct is always to resist.

The stable, powerful adult woman seemingly has no need/time/energy to open the door to the fragile, unprocessed pieces of distant...

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Shed that old skin. Dance in the Metamorphosis

I’m moving through a time of deep detox in my life. On a cellular level I can feel myself release-release-releasing so much of the old skin. And it’s a complete internal process - has nothing to do with what’s outside of me in the physical sense.

If I’m honest I’ve definitely tried to manufacture metamorphosis in my before life by pushing things away in my outer world. People, places, things. But it never works does it?

No - this time - like the (many) other times I’ve gone through this deep and true and real spiritual cleansing - is all about my inner world. The habits, thought processes, and spiritual ties that for whatever reason are now ready to be released from me.  Whenever this happens, I feel this intense clarity of vision and direction.  The way becomes clearer. The sharpness of truth starts slicing away what's not so true at all.

Yes, it’s raw.
Yes, it does involve making some internal adjustments.
Yes, it definitely...

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Why Are You Here?

I wonder why you’re here…

Here with me… letting me invade your social media feed or your email inbox with all this stuff about healing, and creating the life you desire… 
Listening to the ramblings from my heart. 

Reading… watching…

I say that I wonder - but I think I actually know.

You’re not necessarily here for me… sure you like me (at least I hope you like me since you’re reading my stuff! LOL) … but it’s not really about that is it?

What it’s really about is you. 

If you’re reading this… if you’re my client or you just enjoy my writing and my general situation…. I think you recognize that what’s coming out of me, what I'm writing about, what I’m teaching about and what I truly believe in at my core… I think you recognize yourself in there (CAUGHT YA!)

There’s something in me… that is reflecting back to you… what  is...

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Childhood Trauma & (REAL) Spiritual Power

To me, there is absolutely no recovery from childhood abuse and neglect and trauma without spiritual power. They simply co-exist together. Because everything is everything - the body, the spirit, the psyche, the emotional body… everything IS everything.

Ya.. but WHAT IS spiritual power EXACTLY?

Well… it’s the thing that carried you through the horrors you survived-  for one.
But also, it’s the thing that is ACTUALLY going to move your life forward beyond survival and into abundance, joy and most importantly receiving love.
And I’m not talking about the soggy weak spirituality of fake love and light which pretends everything is okay behind glossy dissociated eyes. 

 

I’m talking about the spiritual power that comes from integrating the WHOLE thing. From your head down to your toes, and from your toes back up to your head. Because spirituality without connection to the body is the kind of spirituality that actually perpetuates the...

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Are you scared and intimidated around people you perceive as strong, powerful, smarter, or more accomplished than you?

Are you scared and intimidated around people you perceive as strong, powerful, smarter, or more accomplished than you?

I have felt this way sooooo many times

In fact it’s an area that I am CONSTANTLY working on within myself.

The little traumatized child in me wants to quiver and shake and fawn because that’s what I did as a little one to survive in my home around a mom who couldn’t handle the threat of someone’s light shining in her presence.

Thankfully after stumbling around in the beginning, I’ve managed to find some footing here.

What most of us do is feel weak and small and contemptuous - and then jealous - and then angry at ourselves and then feel like we shouldn’t feel that way and try and puff our chests to seem like we’re really not that vulnerable. I’ve done that a lot in my life.

And then? We think it’s so disgusting that we could allow ourselves to feel that way AGAIN after a childhood of making ourselves smaller - we...

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[PODCAST EPISODE 35] INTERGENERATIONAL TRAUMA AND FAMILY SYSTEMS PART 1; THE FAMILY AND THE SELF



This is the first of a two part series on intergenerational trauma. This is a topic that is extremely important right now - although it has always been. 

In light of current events (George Floyd's murder) I want to take a couple episodes to explain how oppressive systems work. How they are held up by unacknowledged trauma. And how the family and self systems mirror societal systems. 

Work with me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme
Email me: grow@growhealchange.org

ROUGH SHOW NOTES BELOW: 

ntergenerational Trauma and Oppressive Systems Part #1 - The Family & The Self

Wooph - hello people - hello hello hello  - there’s a lot going on in the world right now.
Specifically - George Floyd’s murder by police officers in Minneapolis.
And there are so many emotions. And there is so much chaos. And so I wanted to do my part to help the world. And help you guys understand what’s happening in the world on a much deeper level and through a slightly...

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PODCAST EPISODE 34 - GRIEVING THE FANTASY - ACCEPTING REALITY

It's so fun to indulge in fantasies - they are like warm blankets for us. Especially for those of us who used our daydreaming and fantasies to get through abusive and neglectful homes as children.

But in adulthood, over indulging in fantasies can steal our life energy and keeping us avoiding a reality that we don't like. 

In this episode I'm sharing some common fantasies of adults who grew up in dysfunctional homes and contrasting them with reality. 

I also share why it's so important to live in reality rather than in a fantasy world. 

Email me: grow@growhealchange.org

Work with me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme 



SHOW NOTES BELOW

Hello hello hello and welcome to episode 34 of the grow heal change coaching podcast.

Please leave a review

Today’s topic is all about grieving fantasies and accepting realities. For those of us who grow up in abusive and neglectful childhood homes, we find ourselves living in a fantasy world. I know I was a big...

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PODCAST EPISODE 33 - THE POWER OF SLOWING DOWN



In this episode, I'm talking about the incredible power of slowing down along the healing path. I share why it's so challenging for us to slow down when we've grown up in dysfunctional families, what the signs are that we're moving too fast, and the benefits of slowing down. 

I also share one important tool that I personally use for slowing down. 

Website: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme 
Email me: grow@growhealchange.org

SHOW NOTES BELOW

Introduction

Today i’m going to talk to you about a crucial crucial element to healing your life. Healing past pain and trauma -even very very deep trauma. And moving your life forward.  And that is the power of slowing down.

So many of you guys and my clients who have been on their healing journey for many many years and feel stuck and feel like they’re not making progress it’s because of this lack of ability to truly slow down and move through the process of healing your life.

High performers, high...

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[PODCAST EPISODE 32] You Can't Fix It



As adults who grew up in family dysfunction - we often find ourselves needing to fix others and ourselves. We get involved with people we believe need fixing, and we approach healing from the belief that we are faulty and need fixing. 

In this episode, I'm sharing where this compulsion comes from - how to release it, and reframe the core beliefs that cause it.

Work with me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme 
Email Me: grow@growhealchange.org
Free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/525326287969708

Show Transcript Below: 


In my clients - and even in myself - I notice this impulse - really it’s a compulsion more so. To fix things. To fix other people - to fix ourselves - to fix the past - to fix every single little mistake.

Why do we feel the impulse to fix ourselves, fix others, and fix situations that have happened in the past?

It’s important to understand that this compulsive fixing behaviour is not your fault. It’s...

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Perfectionism, Healing and the Purity of our WORK

Unhealthy Perfectionism can be a form of self-abandonment and self-neglect.

When we get lost in the work as a way to numb ourselves, distract ourselves, or avoid emotional/relational areas of our lives that need tending to - we are being seduced by unhealthy perfectionism. 

As high-performers, we can find comfort in knowing we are productive, successful and amazing at the work we do. But when it becomes a way to escape our own emotional world, perfectionism can be a sign of deep shame. When it begins to affect our performance because we are in internal agony over the quality of the work - whether it is good enough, and when we feel the work is a reflection of who we are at our core (therefore if it is good we are good, and if it is bad we are bad) this is when we begin playing with fire. 

I’m not here to hate on perfectionism - I think it can be good/healthy in certain areas. You know, we want a surgeon to be perfectionist, we want artists to some degree to be...

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