In This Week's podcast I'm talking about why it's so hard for us to see, admit, and feel our own pain as a result of family dysfunction and childhood trauma and offer a different perspective on pain.
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What I notice so often that trips people up, is that they don’t want to acknowledge and provide grace and space to their pain.
They don’t want to feel their pain. They make themselves wrong for feeling it. They torture themselves for feeling it. And often this judgement and ridicule that we give to ourselves for being in pain as a result of our pathological families and childhood trauma and adverse childhood experiences is a result of the judgement and ridicule that our parents fed us when we tried to be emotionally honest with them.
When we expressed our pain.
When we asked for our needs to be met.
When we cried.
They may have said things like: “I’ll give...
You are not your work. But your work is an extension of you. It is your creation. An outflow of you. It’s what you have produced using a mix of your experience, energy, emotion, intention, sweat. The trauma we experience as kids has an effect on our work. On our performance - on our contribution. Many (not all) who are entrepreneurial, high-performing, high-achieving, athletes have used trauma as a driving force for success - for their personal success - and in many cases they have a drive for creating change in the world in some way.
Artists who make art about important issues that are hard to talk about.
Therapists and coaches who developed their expertise through healing their own pain (myself included).
Entrepreneurs who make a commitment to themselves to drive the world forward in some way - to build something great and leave the world better.
Children who honour their vow to themselves to be better parents than their own and stop the cycle of...