I cried while I was running today. When I first started seriously working out (swimming twice per day), I was on the cusp of some major breakthroughs in my life and I swam twice a day to cope with what I was losing (a codependent relationship, some unhealthy friendships, my own irresponsibility tendencies and emotional leeching). I didn’t know it then, but I was running from myself. It happened to be a rather healthy way to “escape” - or at least it seemed to be for me at the time. This was before I knew what I know now about nervous system healing, emotional scaffolding, titration, and the physiological survival response of trauma. I was doing what I could with what I had. I was trying to hold onto my core - or find my core self. Find my independence after being enmeshed with unhealthy parents and carrying that forward into my life as an adult with friendship and intimate relationship dynamics that mirrored the trauma bonds of my upbringing.

What I started...