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PODCAST EPISODE 34 - GRIEVING THE FANTASY - ACCEPTING REALITY

It's so fun to indulge in fantasies - they are like warm blankets for us. Especially for those of us who used our daydreaming and fantasies to get through abusive and neglectful homes as children.

But in adulthood, over indulging in fantasies can steal our life energy and keeping us avoiding a reality that we don't like. 

In this episode I'm sharing some common fantasies of adults who grew up in dysfunctional homes and contrasting them with reality. 

I also share why it's so important to live in reality rather than in a fantasy world. 

Email me: grow@growhealchange.org

Work with me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme 



SHOW NOTES BELOW

Hello hello hello and welcome to episode 34 of the grow heal change coaching podcast.

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Today’s topic is all about grieving fantasies and accepting realities. For those of us who grow up in abusive and neglectful childhood homes, we find ourselves living in a fantasy world. I know I was a big...

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PODCAST EPISODE 33 - THE POWER OF SLOWING DOWN



In this episode, I'm talking about the incredible power of slowing down along the healing path. I share why it's so challenging for us to slow down when we've grown up in dysfunctional families, what the signs are that we're moving too fast, and the benefits of slowing down. 

I also share one important tool that I personally use for slowing down. 

Website: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme 
Email me: grow@growhealchange.org

SHOW NOTES BELOW

Introduction

Today i’m going to talk to you about a crucial crucial element to healing your life. Healing past pain and trauma -even very very deep trauma. And moving your life forward.  And that is the power of slowing down.

So many of you guys and my clients who have been on their healing journey for many many years and feel stuck and feel like they’re not making progress it’s because of this lack of ability to truly slow down and move through the process of healing your life.

High performers, high...

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I Choose to Honour Myself

I choose to honour myself

Today I did some serious journaling - reflecting. I’ve felt blocked in some areas of my mind and heart and I knew the answer was to go within.
So within I went.

I recognized some areas that I was abandoning myself still. Quitting on myself ever so subtly.

I got honest. I cried. I wrote.

I wrote about how quitting on myself when I was so close to the result was a way for me to re-enact my mothers’ abandonment and neglect.

Her broken promises.

Like a reflection in the rear-view of being 10 again and waiting for two hours for my mom to pick me up outside the school, alone. 

I remember the way the trees looked - like a dream. The emptiness I felt. I remember her finally showing up … no call to the school to let them know she’d be late - no idea when she’d show up… finally she’d come and I’d ask why… reaching again - for some acknowledgement… and she’d make some flippant, dismissive comment...

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[PODCAST EPISODE 32] You Can't Fix It



As adults who grew up in family dysfunction - we often find ourselves needing to fix others and ourselves. We get involved with people we believe need fixing, and we approach healing from the belief that we are faulty and need fixing. 

In this episode, I'm sharing where this compulsion comes from - how to release it, and reframe the core beliefs that cause it.

Work with me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme 
Email Me: grow@growhealchange.org
Free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/525326287969708

Show Transcript Below: 


In my clients - and even in myself - I notice this impulse - really it’s a compulsion more so. To fix things. To fix other people - to fix ourselves - to fix the past - to fix every single little mistake.

Why do we feel the impulse to fix ourselves, fix others, and fix situations that have happened in the past?

It’s important to understand that this compulsive fixing behaviour is not your fault. It’s...

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Perfectionism, Healing and the Purity of our WORK

Unhealthy Perfectionism can be a form of self-abandonment and self-neglect.

When we get lost in the work as a way to numb ourselves, distract ourselves, or avoid emotional/relational areas of our lives that need tending to - we are being seduced by unhealthy perfectionism. 

As high-performers, we can find comfort in knowing we are productive, successful and amazing at the work we do. But when it becomes a way to escape our own emotional world, perfectionism can be a sign of deep shame. When it begins to affect our performance because we are in internal agony over the quality of the work - whether it is good enough, and when we feel the work is a reflection of who we are at our core (therefore if it is good we are good, and if it is bad we are bad) this is when we begin playing with fire. 

I’m not here to hate on perfectionism - I think it can be good/healthy in certain areas. You know, we want a surgeon to be perfectionist, we want artists to some degree to be...

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[PODCAST] Episode 31 - Toxic Shame - Shining a Light in the Darkness

In this episode, I'm talking about toxic shame. What it is, where it comes from, its connection to codependency & poor boundaries, and how to start shining a light on the darkness of shame in your life. 

Get the accompanying worksheet in the free facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/525326287969708

Email me: grow@growhealchange.org

Work with me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme

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Rupture & Repair - You Need to Understand this to Break Toxic Patterns After A Traumatic Childhood


Rupture and Repair is a concept I first discovered from Dr. Allan Schore's work a few years ago. 

It is a framework for understanding resiliency (the ability to come back from difficult situations personally and in relationships with others) and how empathy acts as a foundational component of life and health. 

When we understand the concept of rupture and repair - we start to understand trauma and it's deeper impact on life and work. All relationships will have ruptures.  The ruptures themselves are not even what causes trauma... it is a rupture without repair which causes trauma. 

In dysfunctional families - most or all (depending on the distance of the caregivers) ruptures go un-repaired. This impacts the brain functioning, physical and biological health, and emotional health of the child and causes the child to live in a state of "FRAGMENTATION" - a fancy way of saying that children who live in unsafe childhood homes essentially live separated from themselves and...

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What I'm Worried About...

Wanna know what I'm worried about?
Well for one... I'm nervous to write this email to you and press send. But at the same time... I want you to know me, so here goes...
I’m scared that my message, my experience, my story is just too much. I’m scared my real shit... like the REAL how-to of transformation that I took... the path I ACTUALLY followed and still follow now ... is way too R-rated, spiritual and just “out-there” for you to understand.
I’m scared to expose the truth of ME like that. It's like standing naked in the street.
The truth of what I ACTUALLY believe. I catch myself censoring myself... being scared and worried about what you'll think of me. Scared you'll think I'm too harsh and crazy and intense...
Like sure - my private clients know... I’m cool to share that in that intimate setting because I know it's what works and I know it will get them results so I can't NOT share all that soul-truth with them...
But when I’m out here...
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Magic is done from the heart, not the mind...

"Magic is done from the heart, not the mind..."

A quote from A Discovery of Witches lol. A show my husband and I have been devouring over the past weekend. 

But isn't it true? 


I'm not against the mind. After all I believe our thoughts create our results. 
But I believe the mind must be "COHERENT" - basically fully connected - to the heart. And this is the piece of trauma healing that many miss - or inherently fear. 

That everything you FEEL - deep within the regions of the body and self. Everything you ARE is where your magic comes from. Even the "magic" of healing from years of childhood trauma or family dysfunction. 

All the keys you have are within you already. Within your beating heart. And all that we do is about coming back to that - isn't it? 

The magic of you? Is in your heart. 

Your hearts work, your heart's guidance, your heart's truth. 

And all of this is about trust. About knowing that no amount of "thinking" all by itself will get you...

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I Move and I Cry and I Scream...

I wade

I wade in these waters and I dance

Until everything is unraveled

And all is revealed.

And I move and I cry and I scream

And I know for sure

That I am here.

I open my eyes again and again to the sun

After all those years of pain

I see again - my big huge life

That I created from the ashes.

And I teach what I have learned.

A family is more than people who live in the same house.

You can come home to your body.

You are the sun and the moon and the stars.

You mean something.

You have the birthright to exist because you are here

And that is enough.

No one speaks for you.

You speak for your own self - you have the power to do it.

You have the power.

And I go back to my own heart.

To my own well.

And I allow it to run deep and deep and deeper still

And make no apologies

For what emerges from that place.

For what decides to open up.

Instead I be there. I be there. I be there with it.

I am there.

I am here.

I am here.

After everything.

Written by Yours Truly, 
Shyla Cash...

 ...

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