[GHC PODCAST - EPISODE 45] Perfectionism, Spirituality & Self Trust with Valerie Martinez
In today's podcast, my client Valerie Martinez of Valerie's Revival joins me to talk about some of the work we did together in coaching, her experience cultivating grounded spirituality, the effects of trauma on physical health, perfectionism, living authentically and so much more.
You can find Valerie on instagram at:
https://www.instagram.com/valerierevival/
and https://www.instagram.com/valerierevivalpodcast/
Valerie's Website is: https://www.valerierevival.com/
Email me: [email protected]
Work With Me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme
[GHC PODCAST - EPISODE 44] - How You Think About Trauma
How you think about trauma determines whether you will heal or not. I'm sharing with you some of the most common ineffective thoughts about trauma, and some alternative ways to think about it.
Work with me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme
Email Me: [email protected]
ENMESHMENT
Let’s talk enmeshment.
If you know, you know.
When you grow up in a pathological home one of the most painful and terrorizing realizations is the realization that you have been parentified - made into the emotional parent of your home. Taking on responsibility that was never yours. And all the while, without you even noticing your every need went ignored and even punished.
The emotionally immature parent hates to see the reflection of their inability. And so, they will often emotionally punish if you show how their abuse has taken its toll on you.
Instead of seeing YOU and meeting your emotional needs, your parent made you responsible for meeting theirs.
In abusive, pathological homes - the caregivers/parents are emotionally immature. They struggle to see their kiddos as beings in need of selfless love and care. Their kids trigger their own subconscious imprinting of shame, neediness, and trauma. And, being incapable/unwilling of...
It Is Safe to Have More Than Enough
You’re not the pressure and internal dialogue inside your head.
You’re not in the past. And... You’re not destined to eat only the crumbs and scraps of life.
EVEN if that’s what your childhood experience was like.
The imprints of trauma = get through the day, the hour. SURVIVE.
This is why most who grew up in pathological families have a thought/emotion loop that runs something like this:
“There’s not enough time.”
“There’s not enough money.”
“There’s not enough energy”
The system is churning as if we were still living in the danger and threat of abusive neglectful families.
And as this churn continues, we end up pushing away, running away from, or avoiding what we truly WANT, what we truly DESIRE and LONG for out of life.
We never experienced the safety of more than enough and so we believe it will never be safe to experience it.
But the...
If I Adapted to Survive, Then I Can Adapt to Thrive.
Take trauma off it’s pedestal baby.
Stop worshipping it.
Trauma is part of the human experience. EVERYONE will experience at some point.
It’s terrifying, awful, and scary - but you know what is more awe-inspiring and powerful than trauma?
The HUMAN SPIRIT.
Specifically - YOUR human spirit!
Your body is designed to help you get through THE WORST.
So many of the natural human experiences are inherently traumatic.
Birth and death being two of the mains.
Trauma simply means too much, too soon, too fast. Something that took over your life energy and harnessed it to simply get you through it. TO SURVIVE it. Your body was made to HELP you survive it.
Those of us who experienced that at the hands of parents/caregivers? Sure - we went through the tough shit at very young ages. It was hard. It was scary. It was terrifying. And it was tragic.
But you were actually MADE to overcome...
[PODCAST EPISODE 43] - The Weight of Your Life
Whose responsibility is it to bear the weight of your life?
We're getting philosophical in this episode to discuss one of the most important universal laws and its application to healing and transforming your life from the ground up.
Buckle up and enjoy the ride.
Work with me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme
Email me: [email protected]
Do you feel like a weak and frail little girl, vulnerable to the world?
Oftentimes, I feel like a weak little girl.
And then I resist, and defend against the archetype of the small abused girl who just needed a mom.
And in my thrashing against her, she takes hold.
Chokes out my power.
And makes sure that I see. That I remember… she is me.
But she is only part of me.
It is in my resistance to her presence that I find myself at her beck and call on either side of the spectrum (resistant, defensive and rigid OR small and frail and unable to direct the flow of my own life).
The shadows take hold when we refuse to acknowledge their presence.
She is only part of me - she is neither bad nor good. Simply a neutral part of my emotional, physical and spiritual body which demands to be explored and most importantly… integrated. We all carry with us these fragile frail parts. And the first instinct is always to resist.
The stable, powerful adult woman seemingly has no need/time/energy to open the door to the fragile, unprocessed pieces of distant...
Life, Healing, It's All About Opening
Gone are the days of resistance to what is.
But as time goes on and as you grow, the opening process is much more fluid. The...
There's What Happened and There's Who You Are
There’s what happened… and then there’s who you ARE…
It’s hard to separate the two. What happened. The circumstance. The object. The swirling of life around you. And the past events that shaped who you are. Versus YOU - who you are, what you VALUE, yourSELF, your CORE, your POWER.
Life pushes fast fast faster against you and everything has a sense of constriction. Constraint. Pressure. Before long we’re going through motions that we never meant to go through. Living from a paradigm we did not choose.
I find nothing more terrifying than when I notice that I’ve confused what’s happening or what happened with myself - my values - and my power. I coast along complaining about how hard it all is until life and God grant me a reality check that slaps me in the face and wakes me up from the daily slumber of pity.
The deeper truth is that nothing that is happening outside of me, and even nothing that happened to me IS me. I am not my job or...
What EXACTLY does it take to break through resistance and shame?
What EXACTLY does it take to break through resistance and shame?
The gap between here and there… the great divide… the dark forest… that thick foggy smog that must be traveled through to get to where you wanna go.
How exactly do you get there?
And… before you start moving - how do you deal with the blanket of resistance and shame that keeps you laying low below desire?
One. Day. At. A Time Darling.
That’s it.
You don’t swallow that beast with all its fire whole on day one. It would explode you.
Instead.
You sit up, swing those legs over the bed. And do today’s work.
And today’s work is the absolute hardest to do isn’t it?
And what do I mean by work? I’m not talking about it in the traditional sense --- although maybe I am --- but what I really mean is the emotional and spiritual work. Going about the business of sorting out the chaos inside. Untangling that big heavy knot one string at a time.
Gently tugging.
...
