Unhealthy Perfectionism can be a form of self-abandonment and self-neglect.

When we get lost in the work as a way to numb ourselves, distract ourselves, or avoid emotional/relational areas of our lives that need tending to - we are being seduced by unhealthy perfectionism. 

As high-performers, we can find comfort in knowing we are productive, successful and amazing at the work we do. But when it becomes a way to escape our own emotional world, perfectionism can be a sign of deep shame. When it begins to affect our performance because we are in internal agony over the quality of the work - whether it is good enough, and when we feel the work is a reflection of who we are at our core (therefore if it is good we are good, and if it is bad we are bad) this is when we begin playing with fire. 

I’m not here to hate on perfectionism - I think it can be good/healthy in certain areas. You know, we want a surgeon to be perfectionist, we want artists to some degree to be...

In this episode, I'm talking about toxic shame. What it is, where it comes from, its connection to codependency & poor boundaries, and how to start shining a light on the darkness of shame in your life. 

Get the accompanying worksheet in the free facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/525326287969708

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Work with me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme

Rupture and Repair is a concept I first discovered from Dr. Allan Schore's work a few years ago. 

It is a framework for understanding resiliency (the ability to come back from difficult situations personally and in relationships with others) and how empathy acts as a foundational component of life and health. 

When we understand the concept of rupture and repair - we start to understand trauma and it's deeper impact on life and work. All relationships will have ruptures.  The ruptures themselves are not even what causes trauma... it is a rupture without repair which causes trauma. 

In dysfunctional families - most or all (depending on the distance of the caregivers) ruptures go un-repaired. This impacts the brain functioning, physical and biological health, and emotional health of the child and causes the child to live in a state of "FRAGMENTATION" - a fancy way of saying that children who live in unsafe childhood homes essentially live separated from themselves and...

"Magic is done from the heart, not the mind..."

A quote from A Discovery of Witches lol. A show my husband and I have been devouring over the past weekend. 

But isn't it true? 

I'm not against the mind. After all I believe our thoughts create our results. 
But I believe the mind must be "COHERENT" - basically fully connected - to the heart. And this is the piece of trauma healing that many miss - or inherently fear. 

That everything you FEEL - deep within the regions of the body and self. Everything you ARE is where your magic comes from. Even the "magic" of healing from years of childhood trauma or family dysfunction. 

All the keys you have are within you already. Within your beating heart. And all that we do is about coming back to that - isn't it? 

The magic of you? Is in your heart. 

Your hearts work, your heart's guidance, your heart's truth. 

And all of this is about trust. About knowing that no amount of "thinking" all by itself will get you...

I wade

I wade in these waters and I dance

Until everything is unraveled

In this episode, I'm explaining what's really going on when you feel stuck. And how to get unstuck so you can move your life forward.

In this episode I am peeling back the curtain on what I REALLY believe about healing from trauma using my concept of functional healing.

Work With Me: https://www.shylacash.com/workwithme

Email Me: [email protected]

Episode 21 - Functional Healing

SHOW TRANSCRIPT BELOW:
Hello Hello Hello how is everyone! I’m a little nervous about today’s episode because I’m going to be really really honest with you about my beliefs and my opinions on healing from trauma and I know it may rub up against some of you and it may feel like i’m being harsh or rude. But that is not at all my intent. I really believe that healing is my life’s work and I am so passionate about healing trauma and about healing as a global community so my ask of you if you should continue listening to this episode is that you take it in with some openness - doesn’t mean you have to agree. You are you and I am me and we won’t always agree. But I believe that if you can...

You are not your work. But your work is an extension of you. It is your creation. An outflow of you. It’s what you have produced using a mix of your experience, energy, emotion, intention, sweat.  The trauma we experience as kids has an effect on our work. On our performance - on our contribution. Many (not all) who are entrepreneurial, high-performing, high-achieving, athletes have used trauma as a driving force for success - for their personal success - and in many cases they have a drive for creating change in the world in some way. 

Artists who make art about important issues that are hard to talk about.

Therapists and coaches who developed their expertise through healing their own pain (myself included).

Entrepreneurs who make a commitment to themselves to drive the world forward in some way - to build something great and leave the world better. 

Children who honour their vow to themselves to be better parents than their own and stop the cycle of...

In this video, I'm talking about a concept called "Functional Healing".

Functional Healing is my belief that life doesn't have to stop in order for you to heal and make powerful change. You can build healing into your lifestyle and see improvements in emotional regulation, performance, and behaviour as you go.