High-Performance, Hard Work & Trauma

I am reading Michael Dell’s awesome book - “Play Nice But Win”. And I love it. He tells his story of being quite a scrappy, resourceful entrepreneur since he was a teenager. The book zeroes in on the high-stakes transaction he successfully completed when he took his company private after being public. He did this because he wanted to make some big time changes within the company without being in the public eye.

‍Risk,

‍Challenge

‍High-stakes

‍Pressure.

WOOPH! Love that.

It’s thrilling and amazing.

And it’s got me thinking about what it takes to do the real deep hard work of bringing your big dreams to life in a healthy way.

There is nothing wrong with hard work!

Being an entrepreneur, of course there is some hard work required on the journey of building your dream life and business.

Having big dreams does require some effort.

Anyone telling...

This week on the podcast I'm sharing with you the foundational paradigm for this work I do! And that paradigm is the hope and potential of repair when it comes to trauma, our bodies and even our communities and our world. 

I am sharing with you this idea in contrast to what I believe is a culture of management. 

I share what the fundamental differences are between a paradigm of repair and management. And I also share about how a management paradigm can be damaging over long periods of time for the nervous system. 

I get a little philosophical in this episode - because I believe that we as practitioners and as people who care about our lives and communities need to be thinking about the paradigms and philosophies that we are bringing to our world.

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WTF IS NERVOUS SYSTEM CAPACITY?!?! 

What you can mentally push yourself to do is not necessarily what your nervous system has the capacity for.

And... what your clients can mentally push themselves to do is not necessarily what they have the capacity for.

What did you feel when you read those statements? Did they feel resonant, like an ah-ha moment?

Or did it feel a little disempowering, confusing? Take a moment to check in with how those statements landed for you in your body.

Now, let me elaborate.

***And, by the way you might want to grab a cup of tea for this read or even print this out because it's a little bit long but VERY important if you want to understand this concept of nervous system capacity.

First - what exactly is capacity from a nervous system perspective?

Or - as I said in the title of this post: WTF is nervous system capacity?!?!

Simply put - capacity is the amount of stress that we can hold and stay present to without having to disconnect from our bodies (by...

I was about 6 years into my healing journey when I discovered the role the nervous system plays in healing from trauma and chronic stress. By healing journey, I mean healing from a childhood of abuse and neglect. Side effects of being raised by a mom whose unresolved childhood trauma led to paranoid schizophrenia, NPD and manic depression.

My journey started with therapy. At around 18, I found myself in the office of an angel who helped me understand that my home was not normal. That it was, in fact, abusive. She gave me a check list for abuse and I checked off almost everything on it.

It was her that helped me realize I needed to move away from my parents home.

After that, things were not all well and good. I was a mess - and chose to put myself in messy relationships with messy people. I was dysfunctional inside. But I worked hard at my retail job, I participated in church leadership, and I did well in college as an honour roll student.

I had a boyfriend who was dealing with severe...

In this episode of the heal for real podcast, I am talking about trauma and choice.

I discuss what trauma is - and how my understanding of trauma allows me to have a very pragmatic and optimistic view of healing.

I also discuss the role of choice in healing and why I believe that - for entrepreneurs and high performers - understanding trauma and healing makes life and business so much better.

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Growing up in a dysfunctional, chaotic family can create a feeling of chaos inside.  This feeling of chaos represents the nervous system and emotional dysregulation within us as a result of trauma.  We get stuck in chaos cycles when we are acting out of this nervous system dysregulation without knowing it, resulting in unwanted or unhealthy consequences to our lives. 

In this episode, I share what Chaos Cycles Are, How Dysfunctional Families Create Cycles of Chaos and How We Can Begin to Move From Chaos in Harmony Inside.

SHOW NOTES: 

What is a Chaos Cycle?
-Unresolved trauma within the brain and body that drives us to recreate experiences that are unhealthy or unwanted. Basically These are patterns in our lives that are resulting from nervous system and brain dysregulation and create a lack of harmony and health within us. Whether that’s our internal world or external world.

-This is an overwhelming feeling of chaos inside (survival energy/traumatic...

How you think about trauma determines whether you will heal or not. I'm sharing with you some of the most common ineffective thoughts about trauma, and some alternative ways to think about it. 

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Let’s talk enmeshment.
If you know, you know. 

When you grow up in a pathological home one of the most painful and terrorizing realizations is the realization that you have been parentified - made into the emotional parent of your home. Taking on responsibility that was never yours. And all the while, without you even noticing your every need went ignored and even punished. 

The emotionally immature parent hates to see the reflection of their inability. And so, they will often emotionally punish if you show how their abuse has taken its toll on you. 

Instead of seeing YOU and meeting your emotional needs, your parent made you responsible for meeting theirs. 

In abusive, pathological homes - the caregivers/parents are emotionally immature. They struggle to see their kiddos as beings in need of selfless love and care. Their kids trigger their own subconscious imprinting of shame, neediness, and trauma. And, being incapable/unwilling of...

You’re not the pressure and internal dialogue inside your head. 

You’re not in the past. And... You’re not destined to eat only the crumbs and scraps of life.

EVEN if that’s what your childhood experience was like. 

The imprints of trauma = get through the day, the hour. SURVIVE. 

This is why most who grew up in pathological families have a thought/emotion loop that runs something like this:

“There’s not enough time.”
“There’s not enough money.”
“There’s not enough energy”

The system is churning as if we were still living in the danger and threat of abusive neglectful families. 

And as this churn continues, we end up pushing away, running away from, or avoiding what we truly WANT, what we truly DESIRE and LONG for out of life. 

We never experienced the safety of more than enough and so we believe it will never be safe to experience it.  

But the...